and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
