I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
