This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
