You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
