Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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