you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
