I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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