farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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