tell your sister to shave her snatch
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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