that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
