I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize