Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
