oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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