apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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