Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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