if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
