It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
