Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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