I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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