I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
there's paper in my vomit.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
