Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
