Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
