HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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