im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
