those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
tell me about the eggs
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
