So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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