the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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