I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
