She said her name was "party"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
