we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
