I cannot find my penis.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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