i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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