Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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