If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
