theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
