why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
