I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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