My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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