theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
