she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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