I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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