Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
