I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
