Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
