It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
