dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
