I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
