i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
