I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
