My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
