If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This toilet bowl is my home.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
