The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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