the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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