if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
