Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize