In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
