I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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