Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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