Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize