I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize