CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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