My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
