Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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