just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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