she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
