i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
