guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
