Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize