Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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