just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
