to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
