You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
