I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
