Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
