i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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