Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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