Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am available for nakedness
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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