No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wish there were birth control emojis
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So here I am, sexting at work.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize