The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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