At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
porn star boner night. come get it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
