is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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