Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
