no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
